CHAPTER 6 - THE DREARY BIT (SEPTEMBER) & END OF SEASON THOUGHTS FROM THE CAPTAIN

Saturday 6th September

Kilmore (home)

The last bit of the season is always a bit of a drag.  Motivating team-mates after the excitement of August is always going to be difficult.  The weather starts to get cold and miserable or should I say colder and more miserable.  Team-mates suddenly became very reluctant to play.  With the rain returning again we are fortunately saved from forcing cricketers to play in this exciting end of season fixture.  Chip Goat’s field has resembled a swamp for most of the season and it is hardly surprising another home fixture has bitten the dust with the ground unfit for play.  Given our current season record against Kilmore, it is perhaps a blessing in disguise that we manage to escape with another draw.

Result:  Draw

Saturday 12th September

Stuffed Plaice (away)

After a wet week the game is in doubt, but a drying wind on the morning of the match means the ground is just deemed playable.  The wicket is very wet and on losing the toss it is hardly surprising the Stuffed Plaice skipper asks us to bat first.  Richard continues his recent dodgy form by departing for a duck after hitting a long hop straight to cover point.  Mark arrives at the wicket and announces to me that he feels in great touch and full of runs.  I find this a strange comment as the ball is seaming about all over the place and batting is actually proving a tricky operation.  As if to prove me right, Mark has a wild swing at a pitched up delivery and his timbers are well and truly tickled.  I soon follow for 10 edging a useful outswinger to the wicket keeper. 

After that it is pretty dire as nobody really comes to terms with the bowling.  A new form of torture is introduced entitled watching Chris bat on a seaming wet wicket.  Over after over the ball goes past the outside edge of his bat and at last to put us all out of our misery he slogs the ball up in the air and is caught out for a tortuous 7.  Roary makes a plucky 20 and Berkeley and Frank add a useful 17 for the last wicket, although 83 looks a pretty inadequate score.

After a rather disappointing tea, during which Richard and Fiery squabbled over a fairy cake and we all had a food fight over a plate of rather disgusting meat sandwiches which even Chris refused to eat, Stuffed Plaice set off in reply.  We get a wicket in the first over as Mark stirs from his trance like state to run out one of the opening batsman.  Roary and Fiery once again bowl magnificently and backed up by some keen fielding, we soon get amongst the wickets.  Roary is almost unplayable as he finishes with 7-12.  Fiery picks up two wickets as Stuffed Plaice fold to 36 all out.  Another unbelievable victory.  Everybody celebrates with a beer apart from Dave who decides to celebrate by eating the entire plateful of vile meat sandwiches everybody else declined at the tea interval.

Result:  Won

Pitch Marking:            4 out of 10 - Bearing in mind the weather conditions it is difficult to blame the home side for the wicket, however, the pitch was an absolute seamers paradise with the ball moving inches off the seam after pitching.

Tea Marking:            2 out of 10 - Dreadful sandwiches, insufficient fairy cakes and no jam tarts.  Enough said.

Sunday 13th September

Ingleton Greenhouse (home)

The last game of the season arrives and I don’t think anybody is surprised to find the game has been called off as the wicket is still standing in water.  The British climate has devastated our home league programme.  If there was such a thing as the cricketing pools you would definitely back Chip Goat for a no score home draw!

Result:  Draw

END OF SEASON THOUGHTS FROM THE CAPTAIN

With the stumps well and truly drawn on the cricket season, all that remains is for the annual presentation evening to take place at the Bog Inn on the 16th October.  A time for cricketers to reminisce and for their partners (if they still have one after the cricket season) to collectively gather and once again wonder whether village cricket is indeed more boring than synchronised swimming or a speech by John Major. 

Old territory must be tread again as we pose the vital questions such as ‘did Frank make double figures?’, ‘did Mark ever arrive early for a match?’ and ‘were the sandwiches at Stuffed Plaice really that bad?’  The focus will be cricket or cricket related topics and for the entire evening nobody will be distracted from the detail and the happenings of the season.  The season Chip Goat won a cup, finished seventh in the league and Mark actually prepared and served teas that were edible.

In preparation for what was anticipated to be a very drunken evening,  Kevin (very foolishly in my opinion) volunteered to don the peak chauffeur’s cap and collect all the cricketers from the surrounding area and drive them in a hired mini-bus to the Bog Inn for the evening’s celebration.  If he thought that bit was easy, I fear the return journey might test his driving skills and indeed his patience a little more.